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Sex

  • Always vajazzle your vajayjay in garnet red Swarovski crystals, then go to a champagne bar without wearing any underpants.
  • When a one night stand asks you to keep the lights off as he undresses check his scrotum for candied sprinkles.
  • If at first you don’t succeed in taking his entire anaconda, try and try again.
  • If you let a hunk finger you while in public, it’s best to orgasm under a cocktail table when no one is looking.
  • Prostitution isn’t illegal in France, but ejaculating in public on a balcony out over a crowd of tourists will indeed get you arrested.

 Learn more about Unscrupulous here

Money

  • When paying good money to import a butler from Russia, particularly one named Díma Revva, make sure he can cook something other than just Holodets for dinner.
  • Never buy a workout package of private home lessons from Gilad Oseary, a gorgeous Middle Eastern Pilates instructor. The last thing he’ll do with you is work out.
  • Avoid pinching pennies by using an expired moisturizer that you’ve stolen from your plastic surgeon’s office. The karma will cost you more than a good complexion.
  • Always pay for your own travel accommodations when going to the Cannes Film Festival. Any attempt to secure free tickets by blackmailing airline officials with photos of them wearing your corsets is bound to blow-up in your face.
  • If Mr. Kim Lee, your male nail technician, expects a bigger than average tip for his pedicure, he’d better be prepared to do a lot more than buff your toes. Especially when you’ve just attended a BDSM workshop with Madam Queen Dick Dupree and are ramped up for a fucking good time.

Learn more about Unscrupulous here

Work

  • Spying out your office window at the people in the high-rise next to you with best friends Vive and Blake should only be done while drinking Bloody Mary’s and using binoculars.
  • Virgin Mormons make the best personal assistants. They are never hung over at work nor will they steal your Manolo Blahniks. But they may become naturally curious and ask to borrow your porn collection.
  • Having a reality TV star as a PR client can be annoying, especially when she thinks she can not only design handbags and make jewelry but also record a pop album.
  • Masturbating to NFL player fantasies is best done on an elliptical next to your desk while wearing Lululemon stretch pants.
  • Just because you own the high-rise that your company is in, doesn’t give you the liberty to smoke indoors.

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Love

  • When you’re sleeping alone waiting for his call, it’s alright to use your four Shih Tzus as loveable fur pillows.
  • Don’t look away while making love to Warner Truman. He wants your eyes meeting his and his hands on your heart.
  • Love may be unconditional, but if your parents drop you off at boarding school when you’re thirteen and never pick you back up, ever, it’s okay to tell them to go fuck themselves.
  • The love you get from your friends and co-workers may be special, but it’ll never compare to the love you get from the six-foot-five, anaconda-hung, hazel-eyed, close-to-trillionaire stud, you’ve nicknamed Big Daddy.
  • The third richest man in the world is capable of saying he loves you. He just has to jet around the globe and do it in style.

Learn more about Unscrupulous here